FUCK ME! Those were the words I almost blurted just 4 and half hours into my first date with my first potential sugar daddy from seeking arrangement…. Luckily he really was “too nice” and although we had a fantastic time conversing about all sorts of topics at a fabulous restaurant in Atlanta, he made it to second (or third) base but that was it!
Literally, moments after my last post I found my teeth chattering, not just because it was 30* outside but because I was genuinely nervous, and exited to meet my first “prospect”.
Dr. J asked me to meet him at a nearby bar, I got there just minutes before he did, made a quick stop in the ladies room to check my hair and then proceeded to the bar where I witnessed a myriad of couples and characters. Some looked “normal”, one blonde could pass for the neighborhood watchman (if you know what I mean), I of course, felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
When I realized there was only one empty stool at the bar I texted Dr. J, then realized the man three feet to my right was Dr. J, although he looked a bit younger in his photo. “Oh my, you brought your friend!” I said, “No, this guy is the maître d’! I’ll find us a place, no worries”. Immediately he noticed what the situation was, took control of it, and I was relieved.
He wore a dark velvet blazer, classic Levi’s and a pair loafers that came straight out of Michael Jackson’s shoe closet. He was the epitome of what an “older man” looked like in my mind.
We sat at a nearby booth and the conversation flowed, thank goodness! Him being from the NorthEast, I immediately recognized his accent and took comfort in it. He yammered on and almost immediately started explaining how he gets so many ‘winks’ from SA that he hasn’t really encountered anyone worth meeting, so I was glad when I realized that he was truly grateful for what had across the table… me.
The conversation went way deeper than I ever thought, and in the back of my mind I thought what most women probably think of when they meet someone they ‘click’ with… “yeah, he might get some!” Whenever he made a witty joke or referenced something that I really related to I tried to hold back my devious smirk. He really seems to understand me, I thought. He was completely straight forward about his past experience with online “sugar dating” and the fact that he has been a bachelor his entire life, despite having wanting to get married several times. I mentioned that I was seriously not in search of an “arrangement” because I hate labels! I went on to state that I cannot pretend to like someone, I was not just on SA to find a man who would give me a “paycheck”, and wouldn’t pretend with him. I did like him though and I was trying not to show it.
The last thing I expected was to go back to his place, and I should’ve known what it meant if I did.
After a few cocktails and some appetizers I accepted the invitation back to his house. He was very vocal about the fact that he did feel lucky to be with me, and agreed that I was right for seeking an SD on SA, so that I might find more men who treated me like a Queen. Since it was only a few minutes past 10pm, and everything was going so well, I figured it would be harmless to leave the restaurant with him and go with the flow.
We arrived at his house, not too far away from the city. When I tell you the interior was pristine, I am speaking literally! He had beautiful cars that I accurately guessed he loaned out for movie scenes, all sorts of interesting trinkets and the place was spotless.
I admitted to him earlier in the night that “My over-active imagination pictured you kidnapping me and stealing my kidneys or something!” so his P E R F E C T L Y organized home kind of freaked me out, but thanks to the whimsical additions of Asian art, random collections of books and shot glasses, I felt more at ease. It wasn’t long before he gave me a tour of what could be “my room”, (with rent adjustments optional depending on how often I wandered my way into his room). Yes, he was quite the smooth-talker.
Just as I anticipated it, he made a move and hugged me which lead to a whirl around and then onto his bed. I giggled, said I needed to use the ladies room and he immediately backed-off. When I returned he replayed the move and I had to say, “ok now, let’s calm down a bit and go back downstairs for the rest of my tour.”
I definitely realize that successful sugar dating has A LOT to do with being adaptable, and saying the right thing at the right time. Even though you should keep in mind, at the beginning (and end) of the day, the only thing most men want to do is fuck.
I want sex too though, and I want this to be very clear. I’m quite sure in fact that I want it a lot more than the average girl, and to my dismay, the average guy I’ve dated; so this is my disclaimer to you wannabe sugar babies out there, don’t ever feel obligated to have sex unless you really want to.
After Dr. J wrapped my tour of his home, the moment felt right and I let him kiss me. He likes to stick his tongue out a lot, but I love to make out so I was happy to play with it for a while. We made our way to his couch, composed ourselves and kept the conversation going about stupid TV shows and movies as while lit his fireplace.
I initiated the next kiss. It has been too long since I was last intimate with my ignorant ex-boyfriend and I was really horny. I figured he wasn’t well-endowed because I couldn’t feel much when I straddled him, but he was passionate. Before I realized it his tongue and lips moved away from mine- down to my nipples and it felt amazing. In another swift movement he started rubbing my clit on the outside of my jeans, then slid his hand inside them.
Between my moaning and his sucking I was sure we would have sex, but in the back of my mind I said “NO! I have to stick to what I’ve learned. I cannot have sex with anyone, EVER again, on the first date!”
I truly believe that if I were a man, or even less in control of my sex drive, I’d be a porn star.
In any case, Dr. J was quick to toss me on my back, pull off my jeans and wiggle his tongue all over my lady parts. After a few moments he unbuckled his pants, took of his jeans and tempted me to pleasure his member. With all my might, I caressed it for a moment, held him close to my lips, but kept my composure and simply said “I’m sorry I can’t”.
His jeans were buckled up in record time, and I felt badly it had gotten that far. He hurriedly took the drinks he had mixed for us to his kitchen sink, but proclaimed he was not upset when I asked if he was. It was obvious he expected more from me when he finally admitted “Well, I mean I’m comfortable going down on you but you’re clearly not comfortable doing anything with me without a condom!”
He was right, the main reason I stopped him was because he didn’t have a condom, but I’m glad he didn’t because we would’ve had sex for five minutes and I would’ve hated myself afterward.
After we sat back down, he threw his legs over mine and relaxed a bit. Then he explained (in so many words) that he only makes around $20k per month, so I needed to decide if I wanted an “arrangement” or a “relationship/arrangement” – which is what he felt I wanted.
The truth is, YES, I do want an allowance, but I also want to be spoiled and appreciated! I want it all I suppose.
While he realized this from our previous conversation, he still admitted frankly that he was only able to “write a check” for $500 each time he was “with” someone. He went on to say that may very well expect to see someone up to four times per month, but that was something he budgeted for. The same way he allotted for charity, bills and everything else he kept so perfectly rationed in his life.
As much as I appreciate the amazing dinner and night cap we shared, part of me can’t help but feel like his explanation is too “black and white”.
Am I being irrational? Isn’t this exactly how sugar dating is supposed to go? Am I getting what I wished for?
I fear (and hope) that ‘Yes’ is the answer to all of the above, and while I’m excited (and aroused) by it, I wish I would stop doubting myself, or him for simply being honest. Honesty is exactly what I need, and after all, a “guaranteed” $2k per month is nothing to scoff at, right?
For anyone who reads this, or any other sugar blogs and thinks- “SEE you’re just a wannabe PROSTITUTE!” Shut the hell up… because when you really think about it the way Dr. J has laid it out for me, I’ve learned so much in one night. I’ve learned that the truth is that many of us spend our whole lives merely fighting for and exchanging ENERGY with one another. Everything we do in a friendly, intimate or volatile relationship is a type of energy exchange.
What makes anyone feel they are RIGHT for deciding to have sex with someone for “love” vs. trying to forget the faint memories of a one night stand? None of us can ever know whether our (sexual) decisions might lead us to a lifelong relationship with someone else. Being a proactive single person, pursuing a certain ‘type’ of partner seems like a more rational way to go about dating!
I think I just answered my own question, and I think I’ll just lay low and see if Dr. J invites me out to a few more dinner dates before we [eventually] do the “deed”, because the truth is we’ve already established that there’s undeniable chemistry between us and that’s far more than I ever expected, or have had with anyone in a long time!
As nervous as I am for what the future holds, I am equally excited and hopeful that he will be exactly what I need – for the foreseeable future. That’s more than I could ask for from any man, and it’s about time I started telling myself to want more from any man I date, so I feel good about my decision!
Stay tuned sugars…
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This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings. I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”. I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way. 🙂