Memoirs of a single girl seeking the sugar baby lifestyle… for the second time.

Tag Archives: life

Gypsy Soul

“You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope someday you will join us.” ~John Lennon

It’s amazing how much can change in a moment, an hour, a day, a year…

I’ve been away for work for just a few weeks now but I’ve already experienced so many new sights, sounds, tastes and people that it reminds me of how much my soul truly is ‘gypsy’.

If it weren’t for my smartphone notifications I’d probably miss out on my weekly wordpress update, but I don’t want to disappoint my new followers and I still crave and look forward to all of your commentary as this blog develops and new people stumble upon it.

As for being a sugar baby, ultimately my journey as it’s begun with this blog has basically been to “force” myself to simply have higher standards for what I expect and will accept from the people around me, the people I share my time and energy with… because I do take the sharing of my time and energy very seriously.

Without yammering on too much, I just wanted to share this post and say that thus far I am still contemplating whether to invite Mr. M to visit me, he sends random texts about his daily activities and how much he loves spending time with his adult kids… and I know he really needs and wants excitement in his life, so I’m willing to provide that. The thing you’re probably all assuming however is that it requires sex. The more I continue pursuing the things I’ve always wanted, the more I realize that sex isn’t an issue here, it’s being in complete control whether or not the people you’re with realize it… The art is being in control without being controlling…

xxxo

Ivy

Do you feel like you’re a gypsy soul? Tell me about it 😉 and P.S. Never apologize for it either…

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All rights reserved, if you’re interested in any of my original content feel free to reach out, no copy cats allowed without my consent. Peace & <3.


The ultimate aim of the ego is not to see something, but to be something. – Muhammad Iqbal

 

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What is OUR fucking problem?  Why are we all so caught up in our own EGO to ever stop and “smell” the roses sometimes, or pick, prune and compost the roses if need be?!  

Be warned, this entry is less about the sugar bowl and more about human nature in general, and how fucked up I believe that each and every one of us are, or can be…. at least some of the time.

I.E… I’m currently juggling five men with an additional several “pots” who are just flirting with the idea of wooing me, passive aggressive punks that they are, or all “seem” to be thus far…

What do all of these men have in common you ask?  

They all (in my heart of hearts) seem to be struggling with the idea that they can either be in control of or relinquish control to me.  

How do I know this? I know this because as the old adage goes (and I’m creating my own quote here…) “If they’re too busy now, they’re too busy later.”  

That means You’re NOT a PRIORITY.  

I truly believe it’s good to administer as little time and/or energy as possible to people in our lives who don’t give us immediate gratification, just keep it moving!

What’s the point of sending a text and waiting (over an hour) for a response?  

We ALREADY KNOW that we live in a day and age where there is literally no excuse for the lapse in communication.  It’s sad, but true.

I personally am making a conscious effort to wean myself away from texting and passive aggressive behaviors, as it pertains to communication, because I know everything in my life will be better for it if I do!

I realize that patience is a virtue, and I’m not saying that I GIVE UP on all of these men, but as a newly single gal in an exponentially portentous world, it’s both prudent and essential to make tough decisions at a moments notice.  

For both ladies and gentlemen, take it from me, if your gut tells you that you’re not a priority in the eyes of someone who should be courting you or vice versa, then don’t be surprised if six months from now you’re stressed out about being INVOLVED with someone who doesn’t make you feel like GOLD.

Share your energy with people who treat you like you’re the shit.  Otherwise you might as well be shitting on yourself if you allow others to treat you any less than what you want, need, expect and deserve.

That’s all folks.

XXO

Ivy


FUCK ME! Those were the words I almost blurted just 4 and half hours into my first date with my first potential sugar daddy from seeking arrangement…. Luckily he really was “too nice” and although we had a fantastic time conversing about all sorts of topics at a fabulous restaurant in Atlanta, he made it to second (or third) base but that was it!

Literally, moments after my last post I found my teeth chattering, not just because it was 30* outside but because I was genuinely nervous, and exited to meet my first “prospect”.

Dr. J asked me to meet him at a nearby bar, I got there just minutes before he did, made a quick stop in the ladies room to check my hair and then proceeded to the bar where I witnessed a myriad of couples and characters.  Some looked “normal”, one blonde could pass for the neighborhood watchman (if you know what I mean), I of course, felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.

When I realized there was only one empty stool at the bar I texted Dr. J, then realized the man three feet to my right was Dr. J, although he looked a bit younger in his photo. “Oh my, you brought your friend!” I said, “No, this guy is the maître d’! I’ll find us a place, no worries”.  Immediately he noticed what the situation was, took control of it, and I was relieved.

He wore a dark velvet blazer, classic Levi’s and a pair loafers that came straight out of Michael Jackson’s shoe closet.  He was the epitome of what an “older man” looked like in my mind.

We sat at a nearby booth and the conversation flowed, thank goodness!  Him being from the NorthEast, I immediately recognized his accent and took comfort in it.  He yammered on and almost immediately started explaining how he gets so many ‘winks’ from SA that he hasn’t really encountered anyone worth meeting, so I was glad when I realized that he was truly grateful for what had across the table… me.

The conversation went way deeper than I ever thought, and in the back of my mind I thought what most women probably think of when they meet someone they ‘click’ with… “yeah, he might get some!” Whenever he made a witty joke or referenced something that I really related to I tried to hold back my devious smirk.  He really seems to understand me, I thought.  He was completely straight forward about his past experience with online “sugar dating” and the fact that he has been a bachelor his entire life, despite having wanting to get married several times.  I mentioned that I was seriously not in search of an “arrangement” because I hate labels!  I went on to state that I cannot pretend to like someone, I was not just on SA to find a man who would give me a “paycheck”, and wouldn’t pretend with him.  I did like him though and I was trying not to show it.

The last thing I expected was to go back to his place, and I should’ve known what it meant if I did.

After a few cocktails and some appetizers I accepted the invitation back to his house.  He was very vocal about the fact that he did feel lucky to be with me, and agreed that I was right for seeking an SD on SA, so that I might find more men who treated me like a Queen.  Since it was only a few minutes past 10pm, and everything was going so well, I figured it would be harmless to leave the restaurant with him and go with the flow.

We arrived at his house, not too far away from the city.  When I tell you the interior was pristine, I am speaking literally!  He had beautiful cars that I accurately guessed he loaned out for movie scenes, all sorts of interesting trinkets and the place was spotless.

I admitted to him earlier in the night that “My over-active imagination pictured you kidnapping me and stealing my kidneys or something!” so his P E R F E C T L Y organized home kind of freaked me out, but thanks to the whimsical additions of Asian art, random collections of books and shot glasses, I felt more at ease.  It wasn’t long before he gave me a tour of what could be “my room”, (with rent adjustments optional depending on how often I wandered my way into his room).  Yes, he was quite the smooth-talker.

Just as I anticipated it, he made a move and hugged me which lead to a whirl around and then onto his bed.  I giggled, said I needed to use the ladies room and he immediately backed-off.  When I returned he replayed the move and I had to say, “ok now, let’s calm down a bit and go back downstairs for the rest of my tour.”

I definitely realize that successful sugar dating has A LOT to do with being adaptable, and saying the right thing at the right time.  Even though you should keep in mind, at the beginning (and end) of the day, the only thing most men want to do is fuck.

I want sex too though, and I want this to be very clear.  I’m quite sure in fact that I want it a lot more than the average girl, and to my dismay, the average guy I’ve dated; so this is my disclaimer to you wannabe sugar babies out there, don’t ever feel obligated to have sex unless you really want to.

After Dr. J wrapped my tour of his home, the moment felt right and I let him kiss me.  He likes to stick his tongue out a lot, but I love to make out so I was happy to play with it for a while.  We made our way to his couch, composed ourselves and kept the conversation going about stupid TV shows and movies as while lit his fireplace.

I initiated the next kiss.  It has been too long since I was last intimate with my ignorant ex-boyfriend and I was really horny. I figured he wasn’t well-endowed because I couldn’t feel much when I straddled him, but he was passionate.  Before I realized it his tongue and lips moved away from mine- down to my nipples and it felt amazing.  In another swift movement he started rubbing my clit on the outside of my jeans, then slid his hand inside them.

Between my moaning and his sucking I was sure we would have sex, but in the back of my mind I said “NO! I have to stick  to what I’ve learned.  I cannot have sex with anyone, EVER again, on the first date!”

I truly believe that if I were a man, or even less in control of my sex drive, I’d be a porn star.

In any case, Dr. J was quick to toss me on my back, pull off my jeans and wiggle his tongue all over my lady parts.  After a few moments he unbuckled his pants, took of his jeans and tempted me to pleasure his member.  With all my might, I caressed it for a moment, held him close to my lips, but kept my composure and simply said “I’m sorry I can’t”.

His jeans were buckled up in record time, and I felt badly it had gotten that far.  He hurriedly took the drinks he had mixed for us to his kitchen sink, but proclaimed he was not upset when I asked if he was.  It was obvious he expected more from me when he finally admitted “Well, I mean I’m comfortable going down on you but you’re clearly not comfortable doing anything with me without a condom!”

He was right, the main reason I stopped him was because he didn’t have a condom, but I’m glad he didn’t because we would’ve had sex for five minutes and I would’ve hated myself afterward.

After we sat back down, he threw his legs over mine and relaxed a bit.  Then he explained (in so many words) that he only makes around $20k per month, so I needed to decide if I wanted an “arrangement” or a “relationship/arrangement” – which is what he felt I wanted.

The truth is, YES, I do want an allowance, but I also want to be spoiled and appreciated!  I want it all I suppose.

While he realized this from our previous conversation, he still admitted frankly that he was only able to “write a check” for $500 each time he was “with” someone.  He went on to say that may very well expect to see someone up to four times per month, but that was something he budgeted for.  The same way he allotted for charity, bills and everything else he kept so perfectly rationed in his life.

As much as I appreciate the amazing dinner and night cap we shared, part of me can’t help but feel like his explanation is too “black and white”.

Am I being irrational?  Isn’t this exactly how sugar dating is supposed to go?  Am I getting what I wished for?

I fear (and hope) that ‘Yes’ is the answer to all of the above, and while I’m excited (and aroused) by it, I wish I would stop doubting myself, or him for simply being honest.  Honesty is exactly what I need, and after all, a “guaranteed” $2k per month is nothing to scoff at, right?

For anyone who reads this, or any other sugar blogs and thinks- “SEE you’re just a wannabe PROSTITUTE!” Shut the hell up… because when you really think about it the way Dr. J has laid it out for me, I’ve learned so much in one night.  I’ve learned that the truth is that many of us spend our whole lives merely fighting for and exchanging ENERGY with one another.  Everything we do in a friendly, intimate or volatile relationship is a type of energy exchange.

What makes anyone feel they are RIGHT for deciding to have sex with  someone for “love” vs. trying to forget the faint memories of a one night stand?  None of us can ever know whether our (sexual) decisions might lead us to a lifelong relationship with someone else.  Being a proactive single person, pursuing a certain ‘type’ of partner seems like a more rational way to go about dating!

I think I just answered my own question, and I think I’ll just lay low and see if Dr. J invites me out to a few more dinner dates before we [eventually] do the “deed”, because the truth is we’ve already established that there’s undeniable chemistry between us and that’s far more than I ever expected, or have had with anyone in a long time!

As nervous as I am for what the future holds, I am equally excited and hopeful that he will be exactly what I need – for the foreseeable future.  That’s more than I could ask for from any man, and it’s about time I started telling myself to want more from any man I date, so I feel good about my decision!

Stay tuned sugars…

Ivy

XXXO

If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.  

This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings.  I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”.  I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way. 🙂


So many acronyms, so little time!  For anyone who’s not familiar with those referenced in the title of this post here’s what I’ve learned thus far thanks to what I call my “sugar sisters” (aka fellow sugar baby bloggers);

SD= Sugar Daddy

SB= Sugar Baby

SA= SeekingArrangement.com (seems to be the best place to give sugar dating a try if you ask me).

NSA= No Strings Attached

LTR= Long Term Relationship

BBBJ= Still no idea, but I thought it’d be funny to toss in the mix… (I found it in some article about escorting!)

I can be so analytical at times and so I’ve been doing a lot of “research” to mentally preparing myself to reenter the “sugar bowl”.  I admit, I have had one SD, I met from SugarDaddie.com – but it was extremely short-lived 😦  I don’t think any guy with small children, and a ‘thing’ for having small objects placed where the sun don’t shine is exactly my ‘type’, but I digress.

Thanks to various articles on what to do, and where to go to meet potential SD’s (and my naturally affinity for creative writing) I was able to publish a personal profile that’s been getting some interesting feedback!  Mind you, I live in Atlanta where it’s been recently publicized that local college girls are becoming sugar babies faster than you can say ‘student loan’!

Despite being surrounded by wealthy men, I’ve still been hesitant to go out, partly because it’s too cold outside and partly because I keep second guessing my own man-catching skills.

Why do we torture ourselves ladies?! We have got to stop letting our own insecurities get the best of us and start living up to our full potential!

As I drove to the internet cafe tonight, I said out loud “start speaking daily affirmations! I will find love (someday)! I must not SETTLE for anything less than I deserve, and I deserve an amazing SUGAR DADDY (or three)!

All of these things I promise to myself from here on out.  Thus, when I arrived I began “Settle for Sugar” because it’s the only thing I plan to settle for after another failed relationship!

My diary begins with the candid entry you see entitled “I crave sex, a sugar daddy, and I’m not sorry!” because this is my story and I’m going to keep writing it.  I’ve accepted that I’m not average at all, and I think I will finally start to enjoy an above average lifestyle by simply pursuing the things I love, and owning my sexuality.

I’m more like Samantha from Sex and the City, perhaps not quite as promiscuous, with a dash of Carrie for good measure.

So, I decided to find a SD again and signed up for SA.  Although some articles advise against meeting men who are “too close”, of course many of my first messages were from men who lived around me in the posh neighborhoods and suburbs of Atlanta.

My very first message came from Joe, then after some googling, sure enough found he had another profile with the name “James”.  Already I’m wondering to myself “how do you start to trust someone you meet on a site like this?”  He assured me his name is Joe, and he’s a Dr. so I’ll refer to him as Dr. J.

So far Dr. J and I have only exchanged texts and emails via SA.  He invited me out for drinks at a hotel bar (known for sugar dating) and that’s probably why I declined instead of simply suggesting another place.

It’s much easier for me to think about what I want from an SD, and write it in an email, but I get butterflies when I think about meeting these older men.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve decided that my guys must be at least 45, so I’m used to being with older men; I guess it’s just hard jumping out of a LTR and into the sugar bowl.

After putting Dr. J off, I spent the next few weeks trying to convince myself that I was better off without my ex, and trying to get over him.  As I headed out to a friend’s going away party one Friday night, my spontaneity (and bravery) kicked in and I told Dr. J to meet me at the venue.  As luck would have it, and since I was the designated driver, plans got rerouted and I apologized profusely to Dr. J for the mix up.

“He must think I’m a flakey little ditz and want nothing to do with me.” I thought to myself.  A week later that ridiculous snow/ice debacle shut down the city and I texted him.  He mentioned being in a bad mood because he had been stuck in traffic for over six hours.  Once again I figured the universe just wanted to keep us apart.

Now it’s 8:20pm and he’s asked if I’m finally ready to grab a drink with him… I joked saying, “I promise I’ll try not to stand you up this time.” He just said, “I hope not.”  So now I’ve got less than an hour before my first official meeting with a potential SD and I’m feeling the butterflies starting to flutter.

I’ll let you know how it goes!  Wish me well :]

Ivy

XXXO

If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.  

This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings.  I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”.  I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way. 🙂


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In New York City, young girls are constantly bombarded with older men whistling at us on the street and the men are not shy when it comes to pursuing more from a girl without even knowing her age.

Personally I’ve never thought of age as a tangible deciding factor when it comes to matters of the heart.  You either like someone or you don’t.  You move towards intimacy, maybe get married, have babies and live happily ever after, right?

Despite modern law prohibiting certain relations between younger women and older men (or vice versa), doesn’t Mother Nature play a role too?  Why do we physically become “ready” for intercourse and procreation at such young ages if we are told to abstain from what it is that we are naturally inclined to do with our bodies, and the opposite sex?

Like many people, I’ll never forget the day I lost my virginity.  Sure, I knew that I was making a decision that would change me for the rest of my life, but by age 12 my hormones were raging, and I loved my boyfriend so I chose to give it up.

The sensation was a pleasurable pain, but only lasted a moment because he couldn’t stop himself from releasing his love all over me.  In that very brief but thrilling minute, I knew I was hooked on sex.

Although we went to neighboring high schools, I met my first [and second] boyfriend in a chat room on AOL.

Back then (in the ‘90s), the online community seemed vast yet confined to what I thought were people like me.  It is so easy to explore the World Wide Web and make friends along the way.  Connecting with someone via photos and instant messages seemed just as normal and safer than giving someone my number who stopped me on a sidewalk.

I enjoyed being able to express myself through text during chat sessions and there were so many types of “rooms” to peruse.  With just one click I could transport myself from a discussion about comic books with kids my age to a raunchy cyber sex orgy with all sorts of anonymous characters.  I found myself frequenting the latter.

Whenever I entered into a room I knew to be of the naughty variety, a barrage of instant messages would pop up on my screen. I was hit on by all sorts of men and boys, but thought nothing of it because I felt in complete control of each situation.

In addition to AOL chat, the city had some free chat hotlines that were a lot of fun.  Anyone could dial in and anonymously eaves drop on other people’s conversations, catch up on gossip with friends or chat privately with someone at the push of a button.  My girlfriends and I kept a notebook, scribbling facts and nonsense about the guys we thought sounded sexy, and the ones who were just fun to talk to.  A lot of us used silly nicknames or made up aliases.  Group chats were fun, but too chaotic for my taste, I often found myself opting into one-on-one conversations of a more personal nature instead.

One day (when I was 14) I started talking regularly with a guy who lived in my neighborhood, I think. Before I knew it he had sweet-talked me into meeting him, so I invited him over to my house before my parents came home from work.  He was a tall, dark, handsome Latino, and was exactly twice my age.  We never went on any dates; apparently all I needed was some good conversation to let a guy get in my pants.  As soon as he arrived at my apartment we greeted each other with equally devilish twinkles in our eyes.  He wasted no time backing me down onto the living room couch, pulled my jeans off and made me hold onto a pillow so I wouldn’t stare at him while he went down on me.

After Y2K, my family and I moved away from New York to the West coast.  I don’t remember the name of my mystery man but I’ll never forget how talented his was.  High school and ages 15 through 18 are a blur for me as well, but that’s probably because all I craved was attention from men.  In the few years that followed my induction into the wild world of sexual activity I hooked up with too many guys to count.  Most were selfish lovers, some were memorable, but none were truly deserving of me.

The reality is that relationships should always be mutually beneficial, something I wish I realized before.  Unfortunately I’m sure countless girls can relate to my mistakes, and some are making them at this very moment.  I blindly chased what I thought was romance, love and was in pursuit of pleasure without concern for whatever physical or emotional damage I might be inflicting on myself.

Today I’m reconnecting with my old self, and since I’ve had it with failed “regular” relationships have decided to pursue my first real ‘Sugar Daddy.’  The sad thing is that while people call women who are proactive about dating older men, who are wealthy, we are labeled prostitutes.  Back when I was that rebellious teenager I was just considered fun and wild, and promiscuous.  The line between what society considers “normal” and wrong is far too thin in my salacious opinion.

As long as my dirty little desires remain discreet, I could care less what people think about the subject.  I’m learning to stop having sex just for the hell of it and start actually wanting more from a man.    With a little creativity and cunning I’m looking forward to something only sugar dating can provide; the opportunity to finally have my ‘cake’ and eat it too!

Ivy

XXXO

If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.  

This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings.  I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”.  I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way. 🙂