After a three hour delay and late arrival to a new city I had yet to explore, my FA2 (second flight attendant) asked if I wanted to meet her down at our swanky hotel lobby and check out dining options so I obliged. We waited on a nearby couch after placing food orders and she says, “there must be a party downstairs!” (It was Saturday night after all).
Despite being a bit jetlagged, I remember that I have been wanting to practice freestyling (aka approaching new potential sugar daddies at various places), so of course my curiousity begins to take over along with my imagination.
Suddenly a tall, dark (and much older) man walks by in a tux with a velvet bow tie and I think, “Hell yes, I need more glamour in my life!” Sure enough he comes by a second time and with an innocent grin I stop him in his tracks to inquire about the festivities. He gives a brief spiel about the history of his fraternity, I ask if he’s the speaker of the house and sure enough he smiles and says, “Well actually I am the chairman…” Can you say “JACKPOT?!” I think to myself, he’s dapper and book smart and that usualy means one thing: he’s PAID.
With verbal tactics and a splash of charm, I get him to invite me in, hoping he isn’t entertaining a wife or heaven forbid- a sugar baby!
Despite meeting me in my chill-mode attire and with just a tinge of apprehension after stating the obvious, “Well it is black-tie…” he goes on to say those three magical words I had waited for; “I GOT You!” After I commit his name to memory (from here on I’ll refer to him as Mr. Atty.), I promptly ate some of my food and headed up to my 14th floor suite for a quick-change, feeling something like supergirl preparing for her next adventure.
At this point I am relieved that I decided to keep my new sexy peep toe booties and tasteful black sweater dress in my carryon luggage for just such an occasion. Although the affair was formal, I rocked out my tasteful yet sexy bodycon ensemble, top it off with glasses to add that “schoolgirl” flavor and head down to the ballroom.
Once inside the main corridor I’m immediately accosted by a spritely old man who without pause reaches out to take my hand and introduces himself as “the biggest art dealer in the city”. If only he were slightly less decrepit I would have totally flirted with him and toyed with the idea of milking him as a POT too! I quickly spot my original target, looking even more mature yet adorable than when we had so recently met, and savored moment of reflection as I stalked my prey.
Back at the art gallery display I proceed to drop Mr. Atty.’s name- mostly in my attempt to double check the accuracy of my aim, and politely parted ways with the art dealer.
No sooner does Mr. Atty. spot me, his eyes filled with delight as I confidently headed to greet him. He briefly places his hand on the small of my back and offers to buy me a drink. I notice a freshly glass of bubbly in front of him and say, “Well sure, I’ll have what you’re having!” We transition into the ballroom and I drop some choice facts about why I was so grateful that I had decided to stop him and blamed the flight delays and loss of my precious time as the main reason I was eager to enjoy my first night in the city.
As luck would have it I arrive just in time for 80% of the (mostly elderly) but fabulously dressed couples and party guests said their farewells and left the hotel. After just a few sips of champagne Mr. Atty asks if I like to dance, and after feigning hesitation I lead the way to the dance floor.
The four-piece band and chanteuse was fantastic. I was immediately impressed by Mr. Atty.’s composed swag and energy for a man who must be at least 55 years old.
I’ve always loved to imagine what young people might be like when they age and in this case the opposite. I briefly imagined him without his greyed hairs and perhaps a tad leaner, although he certainly carries himself well at about 6’2″ and 200lbs.
The band went through several old-school classics from legends like Aretha Franklin and Marvin Gaye and Mr. Atty was not shy about lacing his fingers between mine, pulling me in a close and twirling me as I caught him scanning my curves from head to toe.
After introducing me to a few of the remaining guests, a middle-aged gal brazenly walks over and starts dancing with Mr. Atty, without missing a beat I smile and say, “I’ll just rest a moment right here,” ensuring my peripheral vision was unobstructed. I casually check a few messages, assessed the vibes ‘Miss Thing’ was emitting towards my new friend and was pleased when he obediently came back to me after just one song played.
Just as the band wrapped their performance I made my way over to Mr. Atty and simply thanked him for his lovely gesture and great dance moves. I then mentioned that I would love to keep in touch and inputted his phone number. He watched me type the message “Thanks for making me dance tonight!” and with a warm hug told him that it was passed my bedtime.
In hindsight I should have looked back at him with a smile, but I’m sure he enjoyed watching me walk out of the room.
A text pops up in my inbox a few hours later, just after midnight and he says “It was great meeting you, looking forward to connecting again!”
Stay tuned…
I am totally in shock that it’s been THREE YEARS since my last post and feel TERRIBLY flakey. In honor of this fact I’ve decided to:
Get serious about my #sugarbabylife because I do believe that this third time will be the charm and I’ve decided to shuffle between three SDs.
🍭🍫🍬
Ok it may be a little corny but I don’t care… I promise you- between the hot prospective daddies I’m working, my real time realizations and love for describing the juicy details you’ll be glad I’m back to share with you!
If you’ve read my previous posts you may be wondering about Adam, Mr. M and whomever else- but forget them. I’ve since moved on to much more exciting news like I’ve relocated AND become a flight attendant…
🌍🌐🗺
Did I mention that I fell in love?
Wow that’s another threesome!
😆😆😆
Quick B.G. my baby and I have been shacking up for over a year now and he keeps trying to figure out what kind of ring I want and guess what, we met on farmersonly.com! I’m totally kidding but we did meet on a ‘regular’ dating site *not a sugar site* but this leads me to my first major epiphany that kicked my sugar craving into gear.
I know… you’re probably thinking “WTF?! Didn’t you just say you’re in LOVE and getting ENGAGED?!” 💘💍
Yes and Yes, however UNTIL I do settle all the way down I have chosen to only Settle for Sugar (shameless plug) the realization I have come to is that I am already a bit of a spoiled brat sometimes, HOWEVER the difference between myself and TYPICAL spoiled brats is:
– I take care of the home (which any real woman knows IS a full-time job in itself!)
– I always check in with bae and make sure he knows I’m safe, when I’m coming home and that I have his best interests at heart.
– I have always and will always want freedom to travel and work WHEN I want to so it’s for these reasons that getting back into the bowl is ideal for me.
😋
I also came to the realization that although he takes care of home and makes MORE coin than I do… that’s not a good enough reason for me to settle into a stay-at-home role, because I never desired that and I made myself clear about that from day 1.
I want to take this time to remind the readers out there that is MY MEMOIR, I am happy to meet and make #sugarsisters but if you disagree with anything that I say, that’s all your salt!
😚
Today I “met” a very well-known sb author today via email and she said “Be careful of the web you weave when you deceive.” However I don’t believe that having occasional naughty conversations with pots is any worse than watching porn… the decision I will have to make is whether I will pull the “I want a long engagement” card someday or not – OR- if I decide I want to get PHYSICAL with my new SD. And yes I am a very sexual woman but I truly feel in my heart that my occasional urges aren’t worth breaking my baby’s heart over… so of course I’m torn.
BUT…
This last notion may sound ridiculous to many, but I feel that I am at a stage in my life where I choose to redefine what it is to “cheat”. Because I seek no romance or emotional support from an SD, I will simply focus on enjoying the process of getting daddy right where I want him at all times. I think it’s when people are wreckless and shameless THAT is when they get busted. I don’t intend on being either. After all I’m focused more than ever on being a #goaldigger , not like these chicka who are clearly escorting themselves and not even thinking about the future because that’s such a shame.
🤔
If there’s ever been a time in history that a woman should feel liberated from the gender and societal pressures that have been drilled into us since we were little girls it most certainly is 2017 for this girl.
💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰💰
At the end of the day, sugar is as sugar does. I’ll just be sure to plan my moves so that I am always three steps ahead of everyone I’m involved with.
Stay tuned.
XXXO,
IVY
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“You may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one. I hope someday you will join us.” ~John Lennon
It’s amazing how much can change in a moment, an hour, a day, a year…
I’ve been away for work for just a few weeks now but I’ve already experienced so many new sights, sounds, tastes and people that it reminds me of how much my soul truly is ‘gypsy’.
If it weren’t for my smartphone notifications I’d probably miss out on my weekly wordpress update, but I don’t want to disappoint my new followers and I still crave and look forward to all of your commentary as this blog develops and new people stumble upon it.
As for being a sugar baby, ultimately my journey as it’s begun with this blog has basically been to “force” myself to simply have higher standards for what I expect and will accept from the people around me, the people I share my time and energy with… because I do take the sharing of my time and energy very seriously.
Without yammering on too much, I just wanted to share this post and say that thus far I am still contemplating whether to invite Mr. M to visit me, he sends random texts about his daily activities and how much he loves spending time with his adult kids… and I know he really needs and wants excitement in his life, so I’m willing to provide that. The thing you’re probably all assuming however is that it requires sex. The more I continue pursuing the things I’ve always wanted, the more I realize that sex isn’t an issue here, it’s being in complete control whether or not the people you’re with realize it… The art is being in control without being controlling…
xxxo
Ivy
Do you feel like you’re a gypsy soul? Tell me about it 😉 and P.S. Never apologize for it either…
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All rights reserved, if you’re interested in any of my original content feel free to reach out, no copy cats allowed without my consent. Peace & <3.
The ultimate aim of the ego is not to see something, but to be something. – Muhammad Iqbal
What is OUR fucking problem? Why are we all so caught up in our own EGO to ever stop and “smell” the roses sometimes, or pick, prune and compost the roses if need be?!
Be warned, this entry is less about the sugar bowl and more about human nature in general, and how fucked up I believe that each and every one of us are, or can be…. at least some of the time.
I.E… I’m currently juggling five men with an additional several “pots” who are just flirting with the idea of wooing me, passive aggressive punks that they are, or all “seem” to be thus far…
What do all of these men have in common you ask?
They all (in my heart of hearts) seem to be struggling with the idea that they can either be in control of or relinquish control to me.
How do I know this? I know this because as the old adage goes (and I’m creating my own quote here…) “If they’re too busy now, they’re too busy later.”
That means You’re NOT a PRIORITY.
I truly believe it’s good to administer as little time and/or energy as possible to people in our lives who don’t give us immediate gratification, just keep it moving!
What’s the point of sending a text and waiting (over an hour) for a response?
We ALREADY KNOW that we live in a day and age where there is literally no excuse for the lapse in communication. It’s sad, but true.
I personally am making a conscious effort to wean myself away from texting and passive aggressive behaviors, as it pertains to communication, because I know everything in my life will be better for it if I do!
I realize that patience is a virtue, and I’m not saying that I GIVE UP on all of these men, but as a newly single gal in an exponentially portentous world, it’s both prudent and essential to make tough decisions at a moments notice.
For both ladies and gentlemen, take it from me, if your gut tells you that you’re not a priority in the eyes of someone who should be courting you or vice versa, then don’t be surprised if six months from now you’re stressed out about being INVOLVED with someone who doesn’t make you feel like GOLD.
Share your energy with people who treat you like you’re the shit. Otherwise you might as well be shitting on yourself if you allow others to treat you any less than what you want, need, expect and deserve.
That’s all folks.
XXO
Ivy
Today I was supposed to meet Cowboy, but after a long, drawn out explanation on how discreet he must be due to his ailing wife, and basically flaking on me a few hours before our lunch meeting, I realized that he seems more interested in finding a convenient toy immediately rather than an actual sugar baby, but should I care? Luckily in the time it took me to cancel that reservation, Captain Carl responded back to me on SA asking me to confirm my availability for a slightly later time. Despite initially thinking he might be a creep (after he took forever to reply to my texts and didn’t answer my call), we finally spoke on the phone and agreed to meet. I’m learning to be more patient with these men who are prone to be less ‘text-savvy’.
After I almost approached the wrong man at the bar where Captain Carl said he was, I was relieved to see that he looked completely different than what I imagined, but I liked his clean cut style and the fact that he didn’t emit that horny-toad, desperate, lonely guy vibe that some men do.
Unlike my previous dates since I started this blog and my sugar adventures (Mr. J that turned out to be more like Mr. ‘John’), and attorney #1, Barry, (who probably can’t handle me or any SB) I was completely unabashed in my disclosures to him when asked “what’s your perfect situation, what brought you to the site?”
I couldn’t help but rattle off about my life as it’s been thus far and the many hats I’ve worn professionally that have lead me to seek a mentor and dominant figure in my life who might help focus, guide and discipline me for a change. He seemed so judgmental of me and actually said “Ok, now I’m starting not to believe you!” I looked him square in the face and asked defensively why it was so hard to believe? I explained that not everyone believes their life should be wasted in cubicle, how I could verify my work history and have absolutely no reason to lie to him about such things he retorts saying, “I’m just teasing you”.
Finally he concedes to say, ‘Well, this might be a turn off for you… but I also don’t know what I want to be when I “grow up.” Then goes on to list a handful of various businesses he’s owned, invested in and wants to sell… tells me how he thinks I’d be a “perfect” personal assistant for him since his previous lasted six years and was now a mommy, so he wants someone new to keep his affairs (and privates) in order. He asked me to tell him what my salary requirements are, and said he doesn’t like to discuss money, so once we agree on something it will come “like clockwork” and we never have to speak of it again.
I wanted to call him a mother fucker, but instead I felt an energy shift which boosted my confidence back up. I never should’ve doubted he wanted me in the first place.
I’ve got to stop thinking these men have any control over me because they truly don’t.
“The major difference here is that I don’t have a bank roll to support my various interests or major professional accomplishments under my belt yet!” I snapped in retaliation.
His desire for a ‘personal assistant’ is actually a major turn-on for me because, as mentioned, I don’t just want to waste my time getting to know someone who just wants me solely as an activity or intimacy partner. I can find a fuck buddy anywhere, or wait for Adam to come around and admit he wants to be my boyfriend, but waiting around is exactly what I’m not going to do anymore.
I want to learn while I date multiple daddies, and I’m wondering how many daddies I want at once…
Before I knew it I admitted to Carl that I am so fed up with passive men that I have seriously considered becoming a dominatrix. (This is a topic I haven’t seen addressed yet in many sugar blogs, but personally I’m aware that being serious dom holds a certain allure and power that far supersedes anything many of us have ever fathomed or fantasized about in the sugar bowl). But that’s definitely a topic for another day…
Now Carl is back in his home state, awaiting my “decision”, Cowboy is actively seeking a discreet sb, Barry is sweet but boring and Adam is the regular joe who I want to do very naughty things with… but will wait.
Sugar Babies: Do you think having a married SD is worth the trouble? And have you ever had a SD request you as a personal assistant with benefits? What would you do and what would be your salary requirements?
Ivy
XXXO
If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.
This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings. I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”. I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way. 
If you’re new to my blog I’d like to preface this entry by stating, I’m not just hungry for the “sugar” in an arrangement, I actually seek to build a symbiotic relationship with a man. He will have the chance to get know me and share with me more than perhaps either of us have ever thought possible, because we are meeting from such a pure place. Deciding to put myself out there on various websites, matchmaking applications and even this blog were not decisions I’ve made lightly.
Quite frankly, in my opinion any woman who claims they have been given or offered lavish cash and/or gifts (without any mention or promise of sexual intimacy) is full of shit.
I may not be some buxom blonde with fake boobs (which seems to be the typical fantasy for some men), but I do know that I’m considered extremely attractive, I’m young, exotic and able to express myself very well, so I’ve experienced enough conversation (via e-mail) and going on several “POT SD” dates now to know that men are not desperate or dumb enough to give up their goods without coming to some mutual terms with a lady first. I welcome any arguments or testimonies that may refute my sentiments, so please bring it on because I’m sure we’d all love to hear it (just don’t leave out any pertinent details would ya?)
Now back to my recent weeks, which have been quite eventful!
I’m literally just getting home after my third official date (all men from SA) and the lunch meeting I just had started out a bit wonky, but ended up much better than the dinner date I had last night.
Are you still with me?
Let’s hope my fourth date (tonight), with another gent from SA whom I semi-stood up (but politely rescheduled with) from last week turns out even better! Especially since I’ve accepted a temp-contract out of town and won’t be back for several weeks, I’m hoping this “down-time” reveals which, if any, of these men truly have the potential to be my first SD!
It’s exciting to finally have some real prospects for a change!
In my attempts to establish a sort of storyline that my existing readers might be inclined to comment on and follow, I will start naming my pots in alphabetical order, kind of like the way weathermen name hurricanes.
Last week I had several interesting events and realizations occur. First, a really hot guy I actually first met in 2013 as a potential client, somehow recently found me on a “regular” dating site without realizing who I was. (Yes, I am on regular dating sites too, see!)
I’ll refer to him as ‘Adam’.
After a brief chat session, Adam wasted little time inviting me out for a drink and I was happy to oblige, partly because I already knew how hot he was, but mostly because he was man enough to ask me without much thought (you’d be surprised how seldom men actually behave manly, and do something as simple as set a date and time to meet a girl!) We met at a nearby restaurant, where I spent the first 20 minutes listening to him rant with his arms crossed, about how he’s sort-of-adopted his sister’s dating technique; meet people until you’re blue in the face, (or actually get married to one, which apparently she was ‘lucky’ enough to do).
As much as I instinctively wanted to yell ‘check, please!’ we hadn’t even ordered any food or drinks yet, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, being a single dad and divorcee must be hard enough I guess, so I stayed.
Sure enough after some liquid courage and a few hours had passed, I noticed that our knees had knitted together and he didn’t seem as jaded as I first thought, just extremely insecure about his current situation. We talked a lot about his child, the stress of his work load and obvious stress of his break-up; a small part of me wished he was a potential SD because I already felt so comfortable and willing to explore intimacy with him (as most women can attest to after first meeting a man, when there’s a strong physical or “emotional” attraction), but I’m glad he’s not seeking an arrangement, although he seems like he’d be fun to “manage”. (I’ll explain later).
At the end of our date we shared a passionate kiss, although I didn’t hear much from him afterwards we finally reconnected again this week and decided to try a second date (which is allegedly uncommon for him). Once again after warming up with a few drinks and catching up on the current events of each other’s lives the conversation some how turned to sex, porn and personal fantasies. After some sheepish avoidance of certain topics we both finally admitted what have wanted, for me it’s a particular orgy scene, but he craves domination.
No doubt because of this new level of openness we just shared, and despite a lonely bartender and a nearby couple, Adam went in for a kiss but this time his hands we all over me.
Because I haven’t enjoyed PDA in so long, I forgot how fucking exciting it can be, and coupled with the fireplace alongside our comfy chairs, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I would’ve let him have me right there if I thought we could get away with it.
Thanks to his stubble and my increasingly sore and red face we both looked at each other, took a deep breath, and hesitantly said in agreement “it’s too soon” before making our way towards the exit.
Of course when we got outside to our cars we shared a last minute kiss that included me being turned around, picked up, pressed against my door, legs spread, and smothered his erection pressed against my inner thighs… not to mention he also grabbed my wrists and held them tightly behind my back, put one hand around my throat and pushed himself against me on the hood of his car while we kissed some more… but that was it. I’m such a horn dog sometimes I surprise myself, but damn it was so hot!
I went home and tried not to day dream too much about letting him really put me in my place, but maybe one day.
I realize that turned into a bit of a soft porn excerpt but this story has a point. It was after my first date with Adam that I understood what I really need to do if I intend to be successful in the sugar bowl; GO ON A LOT MORE DATES!
Like most things, success is a numbers game. Simple.
In between those two steamy encounters with Adam I met Barry, a nice-enough attorney, but way too lackluster for me to seriously consider as a SD. He admitted he’s not sure if an arrangement would work for him, and seems more confident in flirting and chit-chat via text message than in person. I just don’t see the chance that sparks might fly later on, so I’m sure we’ll both be better for not pursuing anything.
Sugar Babies: What would you do with Adam and Barry?
Well, I’m off to meet Mr. M now (sorry, I don’t think the hurricane style naming system is working but I think you get the point). I’ll report back later.
Ivy
XXXO
If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.
This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings. I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”. I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way.
Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.
I want to start this post with a question to all experienced Sugar Babies, do you find that your SD usually takes control of everything in your relationship, or do you?
I ask because as you know I’m still torn about how to go about pursuing this lifestyle with success. Dr. J. is out of the picture just as fast as he got in frame, now I’ve had several new potentials but I can’t lie, most of them are overweight and hideous and I can’t truly begin to imagine eventually having sexual relations with any of them, so I don’t bother responding. I know this is probably frowned upon because these are the ‘average joes’ who probably make the best SDs, but a girl’s gotta have standards right?
I just received messages from a few gents who I semi-jokingly say “might be too young” for me as they are under 45, but more ‘ideal’ in terms of not outright looking like an arranged couple in the public (not that I really care that much). I took a leap of faith and asked one to take me to dinner tonight, since I’m used to be a girl who “takes the bull by the horns”, I figured, hey SD’s like that aspect of surprise from their babies right?
I also received a message offering a free one-on-one coaching session with the sugar formula creator, Taylor… can anyone attest to the benefits of using her advice, or is this really all about me getting out of my own head and trying to be more like those care-free, ditzy girls who seem to get everything they want from wealthy suitors.
What am I doing wrong?
Ivy
XXXO
If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.
This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings. I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”. I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way.
So, after my first date with a Dr. J (see http://wp.me/p4k1xO-f) I waited (almost) 48 hours and finally gave in by sending a text… then another text… Then I got a “I’m in a meeting but will get back to you shortly!” Then I replied the following evening with, “Well, that’s not very nice.” Of course he acted like he had no idea what I was referring to, I guess old guys don’t have smartphones that retain message history.
I tried to withhold my frustration but like a bubbling volcano, I just couldn’t. I’ve got rage against men issues.
I reminded Dr. J that he said he would call me, never did, and I thought it was rude! I’m sure that’s part of the ‘101 things not to do as a SB’ rulebook.
Nevertheless, my gut tells me he’s just a ‘john’ not a real daddy, and he admitted he wants to pay for play, so something about that just didn’t sit right with me and now it seems to be over as soon as it began.
Oh well, on to the next?
Some new guys, Mark and Walt have been emailing me quite a bit and seem nice enough, but of course we all do at first don’t we? I actually started a spreadsheet in order to keep notes on whom I met, some background on them and on what site contact was initiated through (thorough, right?) I guess I’ll pick some three or four-dollar-sign rated restaurants and hope for the best.
If there’s one thing I know, attempting to be a Sugar Baby could be a great way to save on groceries and enjoy new restaurants in your city!
CONFESSION: I accepted a date with a ‘normal’ guy who I’ve actually met in person before he found me on a ‘normal’ dating site… so I’m probably too excited at the prospect of adding a hot, less-ancient cutie to my dating portfolio. I’m torn about dating multiple people though, especially when it comes to juggling multiple SDs and a ‘real’ guy.
Obviously I have a long way to go if I intend to ever be a “successful” SB, but the bottom line is that I’m so torn between being myself and being what the SD wants I wonder if I’ll really meet a good one online or not.
I’m tempted to purchase the coaching package called something like The Sugar Formula, that girl sure has a great marketing campaign! As they say it takes money to make money right, does the same apply for sugar dating?
QUESTIONS:
I’d love some feedback on other sugar baby “techniques”, tips or success you’ve had with advice columns or a coaching program… What are your non-negotiables? Do you really just put your SD in the back of your mine or chime in here and there and keep them at a distance and in the back of your mind/life? Do you develop and act out a whole new persona in order to appease the shallow desires of a SD or is it all about law of numbers… date a lot in hopes of finding the right one? I look forward to your thoughts. Please share!
Ivy
XXXO
If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.
This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings. I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”. I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way.
FUCK ME! Those were the words I almost blurted just 4 and half hours into my first date with my first potential sugar daddy from seeking arrangement…. Luckily he really was “too nice” and although we had a fantastic time conversing about all sorts of topics at a fabulous restaurant in Atlanta, he made it to second (or third) base but that was it!
Literally, moments after my last post I found my teeth chattering, not just because it was 30* outside but because I was genuinely nervous, and exited to meet my first “prospect”.
Dr. J asked me to meet him at a nearby bar, I got there just minutes before he did, made a quick stop in the ladies room to check my hair and then proceeded to the bar where I witnessed a myriad of couples and characters. Some looked “normal”, one blonde could pass for the neighborhood watchman (if you know what I mean), I of course, felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.
When I realized there was only one empty stool at the bar I texted Dr. J, then realized the man three feet to my right was Dr. J, although he looked a bit younger in his photo. “Oh my, you brought your friend!” I said, “No, this guy is the maître d’! I’ll find us a place, no worries”. Immediately he noticed what the situation was, took control of it, and I was relieved.
He wore a dark velvet blazer, classic Levi’s and a pair loafers that came straight out of Michael Jackson’s shoe closet. He was the epitome of what an “older man” looked like in my mind.
We sat at a nearby booth and the conversation flowed, thank goodness! Him being from the NorthEast, I immediately recognized his accent and took comfort in it. He yammered on and almost immediately started explaining how he gets so many ‘winks’ from SA that he hasn’t really encountered anyone worth meeting, so I was glad when I realized that he was truly grateful for what had across the table… me.
The conversation went way deeper than I ever thought, and in the back of my mind I thought what most women probably think of when they meet someone they ‘click’ with… “yeah, he might get some!” Whenever he made a witty joke or referenced something that I really related to I tried to hold back my devious smirk. He really seems to understand me, I thought. He was completely straight forward about his past experience with online “sugar dating” and the fact that he has been a bachelor his entire life, despite having wanting to get married several times. I mentioned that I was seriously not in search of an “arrangement” because I hate labels! I went on to state that I cannot pretend to like someone, I was not just on SA to find a man who would give me a “paycheck”, and wouldn’t pretend with him. I did like him though and I was trying not to show it.
The last thing I expected was to go back to his place, and I should’ve known what it meant if I did.
After a few cocktails and some appetizers I accepted the invitation back to his house. He was very vocal about the fact that he did feel lucky to be with me, and agreed that I was right for seeking an SD on SA, so that I might find more men who treated me like a Queen. Since it was only a few minutes past 10pm, and everything was going so well, I figured it would be harmless to leave the restaurant with him and go with the flow.
We arrived at his house, not too far away from the city. When I tell you the interior was pristine, I am speaking literally! He had beautiful cars that I accurately guessed he loaned out for movie scenes, all sorts of interesting trinkets and the place was spotless.
I admitted to him earlier in the night that “My over-active imagination pictured you kidnapping me and stealing my kidneys or something!” so his P E R F E C T L Y organized home kind of freaked me out, but thanks to the whimsical additions of Asian art, random collections of books and shot glasses, I felt more at ease. It wasn’t long before he gave me a tour of what could be “my room”, (with rent adjustments optional depending on how often I wandered my way into his room). Yes, he was quite the smooth-talker.
Just as I anticipated it, he made a move and hugged me which lead to a whirl around and then onto his bed. I giggled, said I needed to use the ladies room and he immediately backed-off. When I returned he replayed the move and I had to say, “ok now, let’s calm down a bit and go back downstairs for the rest of my tour.”
I definitely realize that successful sugar dating has A LOT to do with being adaptable, and saying the right thing at the right time. Even though you should keep in mind, at the beginning (and end) of the day, the only thing most men want to do is fuck.
I want sex too though, and I want this to be very clear. I’m quite sure in fact that I want it a lot more than the average girl, and to my dismay, the average guy I’ve dated; so this is my disclaimer to you wannabe sugar babies out there, don’t ever feel obligated to have sex unless you really want to.
After Dr. J wrapped my tour of his home, the moment felt right and I let him kiss me. He likes to stick his tongue out a lot, but I love to make out so I was happy to play with it for a while. We made our way to his couch, composed ourselves and kept the conversation going about stupid TV shows and movies as while lit his fireplace.
I initiated the next kiss. It has been too long since I was last intimate with my ignorant ex-boyfriend and I was really horny. I figured he wasn’t well-endowed because I couldn’t feel much when I straddled him, but he was passionate. Before I realized it his tongue and lips moved away from mine- down to my nipples and it felt amazing. In another swift movement he started rubbing my clit on the outside of my jeans, then slid his hand inside them.
Between my moaning and his sucking I was sure we would have sex, but in the back of my mind I said “NO! I have to stick to what I’ve learned. I cannot have sex with anyone, EVER again, on the first date!”
I truly believe that if I were a man, or even less in control of my sex drive, I’d be a porn star.
In any case, Dr. J was quick to toss me on my back, pull off my jeans and wiggle his tongue all over my lady parts. After a few moments he unbuckled his pants, took of his jeans and tempted me to pleasure his member. With all my might, I caressed it for a moment, held him close to my lips, but kept my composure and simply said “I’m sorry I can’t”.
His jeans were buckled up in record time, and I felt badly it had gotten that far. He hurriedly took the drinks he had mixed for us to his kitchen sink, but proclaimed he was not upset when I asked if he was. It was obvious he expected more from me when he finally admitted “Well, I mean I’m comfortable going down on you but you’re clearly not comfortable doing anything with me without a condom!”
He was right, the main reason I stopped him was because he didn’t have a condom, but I’m glad he didn’t because we would’ve had sex for five minutes and I would’ve hated myself afterward.
After we sat back down, he threw his legs over mine and relaxed a bit. Then he explained (in so many words) that he only makes around $20k per month, so I needed to decide if I wanted an “arrangement” or a “relationship/arrangement” – which is what he felt I wanted.
The truth is, YES, I do want an allowance, but I also want to be spoiled and appreciated! I want it all I suppose.
While he realized this from our previous conversation, he still admitted frankly that he was only able to “write a check” for $500 each time he was “with” someone. He went on to say that may very well expect to see someone up to four times per month, but that was something he budgeted for. The same way he allotted for charity, bills and everything else he kept so perfectly rationed in his life.
As much as I appreciate the amazing dinner and night cap we shared, part of me can’t help but feel like his explanation is too “black and white”.
Am I being irrational? Isn’t this exactly how sugar dating is supposed to go? Am I getting what I wished for?
I fear (and hope) that ‘Yes’ is the answer to all of the above, and while I’m excited (and aroused) by it, I wish I would stop doubting myself, or him for simply being honest. Honesty is exactly what I need, and after all, a “guaranteed” $2k per month is nothing to scoff at, right?
For anyone who reads this, or any other sugar blogs and thinks- “SEE you’re just a wannabe PROSTITUTE!” Shut the hell up… because when you really think about it the way Dr. J has laid it out for me, I’ve learned so much in one night. I’ve learned that the truth is that many of us spend our whole lives merely fighting for and exchanging ENERGY with one another. Everything we do in a friendly, intimate or volatile relationship is a type of energy exchange.
What makes anyone feel they are RIGHT for deciding to have sex with someone for “love” vs. trying to forget the faint memories of a one night stand? None of us can ever know whether our (sexual) decisions might lead us to a lifelong relationship with someone else. Being a proactive single person, pursuing a certain ‘type’ of partner seems like a more rational way to go about dating!
I think I just answered my own question, and I think I’ll just lay low and see if Dr. J invites me out to a few more dinner dates before we [eventually] do the “deed”, because the truth is we’ve already established that there’s undeniable chemistry between us and that’s far more than I ever expected, or have had with anyone in a long time!
As nervous as I am for what the future holds, I am equally excited and hopeful that he will be exactly what I need – for the foreseeable future. That’s more than I could ask for from any man, and it’s about time I started telling myself to want more from any man I date, so I feel good about my decision!
Stay tuned sugars…
Ivy
XXXO
If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.
This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings. I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”. I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way. 🙂
So many acronyms, so little time! For anyone who’s not familiar with those referenced in the title of this post here’s what I’ve learned thus far thanks to what I call my “sugar sisters” (aka fellow sugar baby bloggers);
SD= Sugar Daddy
SB= Sugar Baby
SA= SeekingArrangement.com (seems to be the best place to give sugar dating a try if you ask me).
NSA= No Strings Attached
LTR= Long Term Relationship
BBBJ= Still no idea, but I thought it’d be funny to toss in the mix… (I found it in some article about escorting!)
I can be so analytical at times and so I’ve been doing a lot of “research” to mentally preparing myself to reenter the “sugar bowl”. I admit, I have had one SD, I met from SugarDaddie.com – but it was extremely short-lived 😦 I don’t think any guy with small children, and a ‘thing’ for having small objects placed where the sun don’t shine is exactly my ‘type’, but I digress.
Thanks to various articles on what to do, and where to go to meet potential SD’s (and my naturally affinity for creative writing) I was able to publish a personal profile that’s been getting some interesting feedback! Mind you, I live in Atlanta where it’s been recently publicized that local college girls are becoming sugar babies faster than you can say ‘student loan’!
Despite being surrounded by wealthy men, I’ve still been hesitant to go out, partly because it’s too cold outside and partly because I keep second guessing my own man-catching skills.
Why do we torture ourselves ladies?! We have got to stop letting our own insecurities get the best of us and start living up to our full potential!
As I drove to the internet cafe tonight, I said out loud “start speaking daily affirmations! I will find love (someday)! I must not SETTLE for anything less than I deserve, and I deserve an amazing SUGAR DADDY (or three)!
All of these things I promise to myself from here on out. Thus, when I arrived I began “Settle for Sugar” because it’s the only thing I plan to settle for after another failed relationship!
My diary begins with the candid entry you see entitled “I crave sex, a sugar daddy, and I’m not sorry!” because this is my story and I’m going to keep writing it. I’ve accepted that I’m not average at all, and I think I will finally start to enjoy an above average lifestyle by simply pursuing the things I love, and owning my sexuality.
I’m more like Samantha from Sex and the City, perhaps not quite as promiscuous, with a dash of Carrie for good measure.
So, I decided to find a SD again and signed up for SA. Although some articles advise against meeting men who are “too close”, of course many of my first messages were from men who lived around me in the posh neighborhoods and suburbs of Atlanta.
My very first message came from Joe, then after some googling, sure enough found he had another profile with the name “James”. Already I’m wondering to myself “how do you start to trust someone you meet on a site like this?” He assured me his name is Joe, and he’s a Dr. so I’ll refer to him as Dr. J.
So far Dr. J and I have only exchanged texts and emails via SA. He invited me out for drinks at a hotel bar (known for sugar dating) and that’s probably why I declined instead of simply suggesting another place.
It’s much easier for me to think about what I want from an SD, and write it in an email, but I get butterflies when I think about meeting these older men. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve decided that my guys must be at least 45, so I’m used to being with older men; I guess it’s just hard jumping out of a LTR and into the sugar bowl.
After putting Dr. J off, I spent the next few weeks trying to convince myself that I was better off without my ex, and trying to get over him. As I headed out to a friend’s going away party one Friday night, my spontaneity (and bravery) kicked in and I told Dr. J to meet me at the venue. As luck would have it, and since I was the designated driver, plans got rerouted and I apologized profusely to Dr. J for the mix up.
“He must think I’m a flakey little ditz and want nothing to do with me.” I thought to myself. A week later that ridiculous snow/ice debacle shut down the city and I texted him. He mentioned being in a bad mood because he had been stuck in traffic for over six hours. Once again I figured the universe just wanted to keep us apart.
Now it’s 8:20pm and he’s asked if I’m finally ready to grab a drink with him… I joked saying, “I promise I’ll try not to stand you up this time.” He just said, “I hope not.” So now I’ve got less than an hour before my first official meeting with a potential SD and I’m feeling the butterflies starting to flutter.
I’ll let you know how it goes! Wish me well :]
Ivy
XXXO
If you enjoy my posts please SHARE IT, COMMENT and FOLLOW.
This blog was created as a memoir and in-depth account of my real encounters, experiences and research findings. I hope that it may help shed light on the dating scene from an objective, (albiet “amateur” point of view) as it pertains to “sugar”. I also hope to educate, entertain and inspire along the way. 🙂
Settle for Sugar 